Congratulations! You have found lean,
an extremely fine theorem prover that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead user
maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T
MAIL TO POSEGGA@IRA.UKA.DE, and READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU
UNPACK THE PROVER! YOU ALREADY UNPACKED THE SHELL ARCHIVE, DIDN'T YOU?
YOU UNPACKED
IT AND LOADED IT INTO PROLOG AND STARTED IT AND FIDDLED WITH THE
SOURCE CODE, AND
NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO
YOUR FLOPPY DISK DRIVE AND FORMATTED IT, THIS CHILD
ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE SOURCE CODE, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING
TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST OVERWRITE
THE SOURCE CODE WITH BINARY ZEROS, YOU KNOW THAT?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always
getting back "defective" leans
where it turns out that the users
inadvertently bathed the code in acid for six days. So, in writing
these instructions, we naturally tend to assume that your skull is
filled with dead insects, but we mean nothing by it. OK? Now let's
talk about:
1. UNPACKING THE SHELL ARCHIVE. Lean
is encased in foam consisting of shell commands to protect it
while it is being transferred over the Internet.
PLEASE INSPECT THE CONTENTS OF THE SHELL ARCHIVE
CAREFULLY FOR GASHES OR IDA
MAE BARKER'S ENGAGEMENT RING, WHICH SHE LOST LAST WEEK, AND SHE THINKS
MAYBE IT WAS WHILE SHE WAS PACKING
lean
s into shell archives.
Ida Mae really wants that
ring back, because it is her only proof of engagement, and her fiancee,
Stuart, is now seriously considering backing out on the whole thing
inasmuch as he had consumed most of a bottle of Jim Beam in Quality
Control when he decided to pop the question. It is not without irony
that Ida Mae's last name is "Barker", if you get our drift.
WARNING: DO NOT EVER AS LONG AS YOU LIVE THROW AWAY THE SHELL ARCHIVE OR
ANY OF THE FILES THEREIN. If you
attempt to return your copy of
lean to us, and you are missing one
single bit, we will laugh in the chilling manner
exhibited by Joseph Stalin just after he enslaved Eastern Europe.
Besides the program, the shell archive should contain:
* Eight little files that say "WARNING" in their first line.
* A little GIF-mage of a plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable.
IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse and say: "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why."
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
2. PLUGGING IN THE PROVER: The plug on
lean
represents the
latest thinking of the software industry's Plug Mutation Group, which,
in a continuing effort to prevent consumers from causing hazardous
electrical current to flow through their Prolog programs, developed the
Three-Pronged Plug, then the Plug Where One Prong is Bigger Than the
Other. Your copy of lean
is equipped with the revolutionary new Plug Whose
Prongs Consist of Six Small Religious Figurines Made of Chocolate. DO
NOT TRY TO PLUG IT IN! Lay it gently on the floor near an outlet, but
out of direct sunlight, load your Prolog system,
and clean it weekly with a damp handkerchief.
WARNING: WHEN YOU ARE LAYING THE PLUG ON THE FLOOR, DO NOT HOLD A SHARP OBJECT IN YOUR OTHER HAND AND TRIP OVER THE CORD AND POKE YOUR EYE OUT, AS THIS COULD VOID THE WARRANTY.
3. OPERATION OF lean:
WARNING: WE MANUFACTURE ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE SHELL ARCHIVE.
THE ACTUAL WORKING CENTRAL PARTS OF
lean ARE
MANUFACTURED IN JAPAN. THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE TRANSLATED BY MRS. SHIRLEY
PELTWATER OF ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE, WHO HAS NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO JAPAN
BUT DOES HAVE MOST OF "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.
INSTRUCTIONS: For results that can be the finest, it is our advising that:
NEVER to hold the Prolog clause two times!! Except the battery.
Next taking
the (something) earth section may cause a large occurrence! However.
If this is not a trouble, such inference is a very maintenance action, as
a kindly (something) viewpoint from Drawing B. Write down that
completion of lean can incomplete
and proofs may not.
4. WARRANTY: Be it hereby known that
lean, together with but not
excluding all those certain Prolog clauses thereunto,
shall be warrantied against
all defects, failures and malfunctions as shall occur between now and
Thursday afternoon at shortly before 2, during which time the authors
of lean
will, at no charge to the Owner, send
lean
to our Service People,
who will emerge from their caves and engage in rituals designed to
cleanse it of evil spirits. This warranty does not cover the
shell archive.
WARNING: IT MAY BE A VIOLATION OF SOME LAW THAT MRS. SHIRLEY PELTWATER HAS "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.